Less judging and more loving? Gettin' it.

I don't know why it is but simple minded people really frustrate me. I have a couple of ideas like simple minded people are immature, aren't able to have a meaningful conversation, and they act like children.

The reason why this is something that is bothering me is because I am kind of apart of this group in college where the leaders are childish. And ya, that's really the best way I can describe both the leaders. Now, I know I'll get backlash for calling people out on the internet and not talking to them to their face and everything else, but I'm doing this this way because I want to know how I should handle this.

This bothers me because they are leaders. I really cannot look up to these people because of how similar they are to me (if that makes any sense) and I don't like feeling I have to be the adult for the group. And also, I think that it just distracting for the other people in the group.

Another example of this is my friends' mom and dad. Again, just childish, not able to have a meaningful conversation, and the like; and it's really hard for me to respect them. On the other hand, I haven't interacted with them in quite a while. 

And I'm trying to figure out where it comes from geographically but I really don't think that's fair. Then I think about ADD/ADHD but again, that doesn't seem very good either. 

I think this is one of those situations where God doesn't want me to understand. And as Patrick just told me "I think you're judging more than loving" which makes sense. 

Speaking of Patrick, ya, we are talking. And it's going okay. We've had two deepish talks and now we're just talking a little bit about random things. I'm attempting to not go to him for everything which has been a little hard but it's been working. 

Do I want him back? No. I really don't. I can't handle it and that's not a place I want to be. But I miss the physical and that is what my blog a couple of weeks ago is about. I won't get into that right now but, ya, we're working on being friends, which is really good. 

Angie + Desires = A very irritated and confused Angie.

I'm in a really strange spot right now and I'm not totally sure how to describe it but I will try my best to:

I have been very up and down as it relates to how I feel about guys. One second I'm thinking "That guy is really cute!" and I'll flirt with him (that's what happened with a guy last night), the next hour I get really deep and think "I don't need a guy right now and I shouldn't be falling for old tricks that I play on myself, but then the next day, I just feel this desire to be with a guy, not even in a relationship but just to feel like a guy likes me.

Currently, I want to go on a date and feel pretty and get to know a guy. I don't want a relationship but I want everything else, but not completely; because I like labels and I've already done a no-label relationship thing and it really does not do good things on me. And I really don't know what to call this feeling. Normally, I would call myself a slut and then I would act on this slutty-ness but I know that is the opposite of what I should be doing....

...but this desire is so strong. But what would acting out on it get me? A couple hours of fake bliss? It's just so irritating. My lips want to be touched, my hands want to be held, and my waist wants to have an arm around it.

I know everyone's first response to would be to pray and I have been. And last night it helped a little bit. The second response would be to say 'This is still your grieving period.' and I think the last response would be 'Just go out and have fun and see what happens.'
^ This is why I can't make my own decisions, everyone. 


On top of all of this, I straight up miss cuddling. Just thought I'd point that one out.

So, that's kind of where I am at now with my life. I've seen a couple of really cute guys. I actually hugged this really cute guy at work last night and that was really neat. That's kind of what started everything with these thoughts; I guess I'll have to go back to no contact at all with the opposite sex....

That's all,
Angie