Saturday, April 14, 2012

Angie + Desires = A very irritated and confused Angie.

I'm in a really strange spot right now and I'm not totally sure how to describe it but I will try my best to:

I have been very up and down as it relates to how I feel about guys. One second I'm thinking "That guy is really cute!" and I'll flirt with him (that's what happened with a guy last night), the next hour I get really deep and think "I don't need a guy right now and I shouldn't be falling for old tricks that I play on myself, but then the next day, I just feel this desire to be with a guy, not even in a relationship but just to feel like a guy likes me.

Currently, I want to go on a date and feel pretty and get to know a guy. I don't want a relationship but I want everything else, but not completely; because I like labels and I've already done a no-label relationship thing and it really does not do good things on me. And I really don't know what to call this feeling. Normally, I would call myself a slut and then I would act on this slutty-ness but I know that is the opposite of what I should be doing....

...but this desire is so strong. But what would acting out on it get me? A couple hours of fake bliss? It's just so irritating. My lips want to be touched, my hands want to be held, and my waist wants to have an arm around it.

I know everyone's first response to would be to pray and I have been. And last night it helped a little bit. The second response would be to say 'This is still your grieving period.' and I think the last response would be 'Just go out and have fun and see what happens.'
^ This is why I can't make my own decisions, everyone. 

On top of all of this, I straight up miss cuddling. Just thought I'd point that one out.

So, that's kind of where I am at now with my life. I've seen a couple of really cute guys. I actually hugged this really cute guy at work last night and that was really neat. That's kind of what started everything with these thoughts; I guess I'll have to go back to no contact at all with the opposite sex....

That's all,

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