Tuesday, June 12, 2012

I've come so far but I've got so far to go.

I haven't updated in a while and I'm sorry about that. I was trying to write a blog post a couple of days ago but it really did not come out right.

I've been pretty alright. This will be my first week officially away from therapy. I should prolly call them and say I won't be coming back for the summer. It's not that I don't like therapy, now it just feels like a chore and I really think I'm "okay". I started going because of the break up but now....I dunno, more things are filling that hole now, which is good but is also very stressful.

I've decided that I know I'm back to my old self for two reasons:
1. I'm being really awkward and funny again. Not to say I wasn't with Patrick, but it just feels better.
2. Holy moly am I obsessed with the male parts of the world.

I want to get into the second one a little bit. I know in my previous post I talked about how being single is great and you learn about yourself, well, I still stand by that 100%. Being single is nice because I am developing myself and doing things for me. But, this doesn't make the desire to be a girlfriend go away. Or just the desire to be liked. I love that feeling.

What I don't like is the pre-dating feelings: it's just so......irritating. I don't want to work for it, I just want it to happen. Sadly, it doesn't work like that, I have to work at it a little bit. But, how much is too much? Oh balance, you and I are going to learn to be best friends.

I've played with the idea of just doing some emotion less stuff but I've tried that, it didn't work. I've tried flirting with not attractive guys but they just friend zone me pretty quick. My mind is just in ultra flirty, I need the sanctification of a guy mode. Which isn't true....I know this. Co dependence has done terrible things to me.

And it's not all the physical either: Yesterday I had a break down because of stressful working things and I for a moment had no idea who I should call (this would be my first non-Patrick break down I have had). But, I took it upon myself to call some lady friends of mine which was helpful. So, I'm learning to depend on my lady friends. But, I just want to open up to someone who doesn't know me. And just unload everything. I know I can't do that, that'd just be....holy moly.

If you're wondering, I'm crushing but it's confusing. I won't get into it but just know...I could use some prayer for that.

Outside of the boy stuff, things are looking up in terms of employment. My primary job is opening up a new place which means more hours but is a little stressful with school and my other job. My other job wasn't giving me correct hours and that was irritating but I think we worked everything out. And lastly, I thought I had a position all lined up for the fall at EMU but it turns out, the woman was a bitch and didn't want to hire me. That's what my break down was about yesterday.

So, we have now learned that Angie pre-Patrick is coming back: obsessed with boys, stressed, but is still able to be funny. Kind of fits me right? But, with that, I'm learning new ways to deal with all of it by having wonderful friends and a grace giving God.

Thank you to all that ready (even those to don't want to admit it). You are great people.

Love Prevails,

1 comment:

  1. Angie,
    You're a wonder. May God give you grace to be wise in your relationship with guys. GREAT WORK calling on lady friends for support! It's something I'm learning also (I tend to just try to go without support.)
    I love you. xo